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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Tonight’s PT was Stone Age simple: man lifts rock. Just a simple 10 minutes of Turkish Get Up with the 32 kg kettlebell.

Still hurts my right shoulder a bit. I’m just stimulating it to heal… 🙂

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Is that my mate Rob in the background of this photo on the Utilikilts FB page? 😀

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Great idea to be prepared, have fun, and get a great workout all at the same time:

Wired’s ZombieFit Workout

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The following SOP addresses the Procedures that shall be followed when short bladed combat is imminent or already occuring.

The Procedures are arranged as Plans A through D, with Plan A the default Procedure. Contingency Plans B through D are listed in order of preferential deployment.

Plan A

You shall:
1. Bring to bear a gun, the caliber of which shall be no less than the diameter of your little finger (males) or middle finger (females).
2. Bring all the friends with guns you can manage.
3. Apply tool(s) until desired result occurs*.

Plan B

You shall:
1. Bring to bear a sword, and/or machete, and/or long heavy stick.
2. Apply tool(s) until desired result occurs*.

Plan C

You shall:
1. Control the body part of the opponent that has or potentially may acquire a sharp object (if both hands of the opponent, for instance, come up with sharp objects, it is incumbent upon you to control both).
2. Bring to bear your own sharp object and apply directly to the opponent’s body, point first, as deep as possible and in a percussive manner.
3. Repeat Step 2 until desired result occurs*.
4. If you are denied opportunity to use the point, use the edge in the following manner: apply the edge at a shallow angle and, while keeping contact with the opponent’s body with the blade, slice *away* from yourself in a filleting motion.
5. Re-attempt Steps 2-4 until desired result occurs*.

Plan D

You shall:
1. Follow Step 1 of Plan C.
2.. Similar to Step 2 of Plan C, bring your own improvised object or hard body part to bear against the opponents face, until they agree to give you their own sharp object.
3. Follow Steps 2-5 of Plan C.

Recover.

SOP Note 1: These Procedures indicate a MINIMUM of actions to be taken, in the preferred order, when involved in the scenario.
SOP Note 2: These Procedures cannot hope to encompass the scope of every possible option. Creativity and initiative are encouraged, provided the main content in the order in which it was given are followed.
SOP Note 3: The writer(s) of this SOP cannot be in any way held liable for any negative results gained by following these Procedures either explicitly or approximately. Use these Procedures at your own risk.

* Desired result = cessation of aggressive activity by opponent.

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I’m always a sucker for a nice rack… 😛

Zone Rack Pix One

Zone Rack Pix One

Zone Rack Pix Two

Zone Rack Pix Two

Brother Dahood took these pix of some bikes and their interesting racks.

I likes. Next time I head out to The Zone and have to fight off mutants and/or zombies and/or Tim Thomerson and his band of rag-tag adventurers/pirates whilst looking for my Cherry 2000, I want this.

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Express Post

I want you to take a look at this and marvel. See text below:

Wed, June 24, 2009

Re: Order Number: xyz

Thank you for ordering from Xpress Redi Set Go TM. Your order has been shipped.

Date Shipped: 06/23/09
Via: Express Shipping
Tracking Number: 23451325

Your order has shipped with express shipping and should arrive within 7-10 business days from the day you placed your order. If you would like to track your order, please click the link or copy https://spportal.fedex.com/sp/track.jsp into your browser window. Just copy and paste your tracking number to see where it is.

We sincerely appreciate your business.

Customer service is available 9am-6pm Eastern Time, Monday through Friday.

Xpress Redi Set Go TM Customer Service Team
800-357-9213
customerservice@gtxpress.com

Last week I ordered a thing I saw on TV, something called the Xpress Redi Set Go. I was actually watching TV in my motel room in the Springs and an infomercial of this thing came on, which looks like a good replacement for my George Foreman Grill (GFG). As you may or may not know, one day a few weeks ago I was going to grill some steak; when I put the steak on the GFG, little to my knowledge the little plastic pad on the bottom of the steak went onto the grill with it.

Yuck! It totally melted into the grill (and the steak). With a tear in my eye, I tossed the steak into the trash, and later tried to remove the plastic off of the grill. I never got satisfied with the result… so I told Chris not to use it, and I haven’t used it since. I really like the grill, but no way do I trust this one (aromatized plastic–mmmmm!).

If you think you can clean it up to your standards, by the way, I’ll give it to you. Otherwise, it’s going to the dump.

So, anyway, I figured I’d just get another one, newer and/or bigger, perhaps, though the size seemed okay my normal applications.

However–back to the story–I saw this on TV and thought, “Cool, just what I need, and it looks like it even has more functionality than the GFG!” So I ordered it.

Okay–note that I ordered it last Thursday or Friday. With the “Free Express Shipping!” Also, I ordered via phone, and nowadays they make you go through–I’m not kidding–an extra 15 min to half an hour of a person’s automated voice saying, “And in addition, for 19.95 a month, you can subscribe to her recipes. You get the first month free, and you can keep it. After that you can cancel at any time, or send it back and you won’t have to pay for it.”

And I say–“No,” of course. Then the voice says, “Don’t say no, yet! Remember, you can cancel at any time, and blahblahblahblah…”

So I say, “No,” and then they go on to the next thing for, like I said, 15-30 minutes, until I start cutting “her” off with a belligerent “NO!” And they finally say, “Thank you for your order, and we’ll express this to you right away.” Click. Must’ve had a voice stress monitor or some logic that said if “he starts cutting off the voice, then he’s finally had enough…”

Anyway, the shaggy dog of the post is to let you notice that:
a) I ordered last week, and they’re just now getting it shipped, and
B) they say I’ll be getting it in 7-10 days. “Business days!” What sort of “Express Shipping” is that? It had *better* have been free! Holy Geez…

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I was just at my friend Nicki’s, and her cousin Amanda’s combined birthday party. Apparently, Tom Selleck is well thought of here:

Tom Selleck cake at Nicki and Amanda's birthday party.

Tom Selleck cake at Nicki and Amanda's birthday party.

😀

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